dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
