and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
