i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
