I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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