I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
