I have demons in me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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