Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
