To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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