i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize