Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize