bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
