I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All the doctor said was why
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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