That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".