do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
