Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're like the curious george of whores
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
