we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
