I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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