this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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