White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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