Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize