I love black thongs
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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