She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
