Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
