The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
