I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
