Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
