Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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