I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I did not marry a roomba.
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