How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
