i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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