sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you made out with another girl for some wings
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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