Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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