i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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