we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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