why didn't you poke me back
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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