Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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