Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
