do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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