I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
