Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
