We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
