I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
