I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
