Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
