nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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