How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
