Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
