They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
