I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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