Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You have to summon your inner elephant
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
