I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize