One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
