I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
