he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
