what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
