yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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