Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what day is it and did you see me today?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
