So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
