Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
