i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
