where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize