i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
