Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
