you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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