he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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