No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Randomize
