I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
