Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
