Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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