Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
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I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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