so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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