I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
