The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
