saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
