He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
