doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
