Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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