I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
