I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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