So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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